The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
