So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
