my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
