my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
