I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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