you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
