So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
