Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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