he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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