How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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