We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
