break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
