talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
