Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
