Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
