I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
