But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
