i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I need water and some morals
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
