All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
