cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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