happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
