I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Damn victory sex feels great
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
