i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
stop calling my apartment porn island.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
