I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
