My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
