i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
God I need to hump something, right now.
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