I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
