Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
