I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
