i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
