thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
