Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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