im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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