my phone needs a breathalizer
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
