Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
