I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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