You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
