Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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