You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
