dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
