Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
