I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I forget how to act sober
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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