Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
