You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
