she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
