It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Mom said you looked used
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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