Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
