this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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