If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
