that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
