im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
