Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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