After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
her facebook's as public as her vagina
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
