i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
