Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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